Rabbi's Message

Rabbi Elyse Wechterman
Read about the Rabbi
Sept. 2007

“Only Connect”

Only connect! That was the whole of her sermon. Only connect the prose and the passion, and both will be exalted, And human love will be seen at its height. Live in fragments no longer. Only connect…--E.M. Forster, Howards End

Over the past 25 years, attendance in social club meetings in America has dropped 58%. Family dinners have dropped 43% and the simple act of inviting friends over has dropped 35%. It appears that Americans are engaging with each other less and less often. However, at the same time, Americans are doing more and more things – adult education classes, art workshops, gyms and yoga studios are popping up all over the place. Doing more, but with fewer human connections is leading to a decline of what sociologists call “social capitol.” This analysis was best expressed in 1995 by Harvard sociologist Robert Putnum in his book Bowling Alone. “More Americans are bowling than ever before, but they are not bowling in leagues.”

I can’t think of a sadder image than that of a lonely person, after a hard day of work, unwinding in a bowling alley - alone. No one to cheer the strikes or commiserate on gutter balls, no one to get the beer and pizza.

This image of the lonely bowler is emblematic to me of our growing isolation from one another. How often do we really sit down to enjoy a meal with our loved ones? When do our conversations move beyond the day’s chores or tomorrow’s carpools? When was the last time you chatted over the back fence (instead of online) with a neighbor?

This cannot be good. We know that human beings are social creatures. We have always lived in family, clan and tribe. Each individual is, in some way, made whole only in the context of our social, familial and communal networks. Without each other, we live in fragments.

I believe that part of the mission of religious institutions is to combat this rampant isolation and bring people back into connections with each other. This is a core function of what we do here at Congregation Agudas Achim through our educational, spiritual and social programs.

Yes – other clubs and organizations in the community seek to fulfill the same mission. But I believe religious institutions are uniquely situated to heal the fragmented nature of our lives in the most profound ways. Why? Because when you come into synagogue you are invited to bring all the fragments of yourself – including the most hidden, deepest, precious aspects of yourself that we call soul. In bringing your soul here we create connections between people that reflect and enhance our connections to the divine as well.

This fall we will be unveiling two new programs at Agudas Achim to enable us to better build connections with each other and those who enter our doors. I am proud to explain them both here:

Following the success of our Shabbat B’yachad program last year, Agudas Achim has received renewed funding for three more years of increased Shabbat programming. One of the elements we are adding this year is Shabbat B’Yachad at Home.

Four times this year, we will cancel Friday night services and instead, match groups of people to share Shabbat dinner in each other’s homes. If this is sounding familiar to you, that is because we are modeling this program on our Shabbat Dinner Exchanges of the past few years. This time, however, these dinners will be supported by the addition of new materials, careful planning and recruitment and the existence of a group of congregants who have studied with me to become trained Shabbat guides. Shabbat guides, volunteer members, will attend Shabbat dinners to facilitate table rituals, help the host families prepare for and welcome guests and facilitate conversation and discussion.

Rabbi Sid Schwarz is find of saying that the best way to build community connections is to get people into each other’s homes. With Shabbat B’yachad at Home, you don’t have to know anything about Shabbat, own candlesticks or know other members to participate. We will do all the hard work to make it possible for you to share a Shabbat meal with someone in your neighborhood or of the same age group or family structure. Look elsewhere in this newsletter to sign up to host or attend a dinner.

The second program I am proud to announce is the Kesher Initiative: a pilot project funded by the Jewish Federation of Rhode Island and is a partnership between Agudas Achim and the Jewish Family Service of Rhode Island. We have received a $20,000 grant to hire a part-time social worker to provide referrals, networking and follow-up care to our members facing illness, financial stress or other crises and to support our own efforts at bikkur holim (visiting the sick) and gimilut hasadim (acts of loving kindness).

The Kesher Initiative is a creative response to both the changing needs of the Jewish community and the decreasing availability of social services and supports through traditional agencies. Unlike a government program or social service agencies in which professionals serve the needs of clients, Kesher Initiative is about enabling us to better serve ourselves and those who come into our doors. It is essentially about creating connections; the translation of the word “Kesher” is “connection.”

These two programs I have just outlined create exciting possibilities. We are a vibrant community – poised to make a real difference in the lives of our members. As EM Forestor says, these programs will enable us to “Live in fragments no longer” and “only connect.”

May this season of renewal bring you in to deeper connections with all whom you love.

Shana Tova
Rabbi Elyse

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