How Communal Prayer Can Work For You

"You know, I'm not a very spiritual person and coming to synagogue on Friday night just feels like a burden."

"Frankly rabbi, I don't understand the prayers and saying a bunch of mumbo jumbo seems like a waste of time to me."

"I can be spiritual in my own way - as long as my kids learn something about their heritage - I'm happy."

Do any of these statements sound familiar?

I want to let you in on a little secret - I often feel the same way.

In my first year of rabbinical school I was asked to write an essay on "when communal prayer works for me." I struggled and struggled with a blank piece of paper for many hours because I didn't understand what the word "works" meant.

Was I supposed to identify a certain prayer that spoke to me, a moment of connection with God, with the world, with other people? Did I need to locate, in my prayer life, a moment of intense spirituality?

I have those moments and experiences. But, as I am sure many of you would recognize, they rarely happen in services. I often feel spiritual connections outside in the woods, putting my child to sleep, late at night in the safe anonymity of the world between wakefulness and sleep. In my work, I have moments of meaningful connection with people in pain or illness, at a bedside or house of mourning. None of this has anything to do with Shabbat services or Jewish liturgy.

Why, then, come to services?

For me, and hopefully what I can begin to make clear to you, is that there are lots of reasons Jews do and should gather together on a weekly basis having little to do with "spiritual experience."

Since the destruction of the Temple in Jerusalem over 2000 years ago, Jews have gathered together on Shabbat (and on other days as well) to hear the Torah read, to pray a little, but mostly to connect with other Jews, to be in community together.

Shabbat services are the time - the only time really - that we come together in community to be a community. Sure, we schmooze for a few minutes before and after Hebrew school and we have lots of wonderful programming and events for various sectors of the community. But only on Shabbat - like in every other Jewish community the world over - does the entire community have the opportunity to gather and be together. Some of us pray and find it meaningful, but for those of us who struggle with communal prayer, here is a list of other reasons to come together on Shabbat and to experience communal prayer "working" for you.

Socialize - to connect to people in the community, see people you haven't seen in a while. We often look down on "fashion show" synagogues where it seems people are only there to see each other's new clothing. That's not the type of socializing I'm talking about. However, checking in with friends; asking, "How are you?" and saying "Shabbat Shalom" is a perfectly legitimate activity at synagogue. This is what Kiddush and oneg are all about.

Catch up on news - We come to synagogue to hear who is on the misheberach list (prayer for healing); to find out what is going on either through announcements or through the lifecycle moments marked in the Torah service: a baby naming, bar mitzvah or aufruf (engagement). I loved celebrating the Baxter's anniversary last week and Roz Mainelli's 75th birthday over the summer. When we share in each other's joy and sorrows we increase the likeliness that others will be there for us when we need it - and we make all of our lives a little less lonely.

Reconnect with core values - listening to a Torah discussion or reading some of the commentary in the prayerbook gives us opportunities to think about important, ultimate issues. Sometimes this may be the only moment in a week when you think about something other than the next task immediately at hand. Services can serve as a reminder of who you are and why you are working so hard at the other things in your life.

Do Jewish - A great Jewish teacher once said that, "More than the Jews have kept Shabbat, Shabbat has kept the Jews." This is what we Jews do - we get together on Friday nights and Saturday mornings. This is Jewish time. We mark the seasons by noting the changing light in our sanctuary every week. We become accustomed to the cycle of Torah readings: if it's autumn it must be Abraham. Other peoples get together on Sundays or Friday mornings - we do Shabbat.

Get off the treadmill - somewhere between soccer practice, dance lessons, Hebrew school, laundry, shopping, work and play there has to be a time to just stop. Yes, Shabbat services can be another one of the burdens in your week - but if put in the right context - if committed to on a regular basis (twice a month even) they can be the respite, the moment of quiet at the end of a long week, that we all need.

When I finally wrote that paper for rabbinical school I wrote that even on weeks when I couldn't get up in time to make the bulk of services, I enjoyed showing up just for the announcements. It is that community connection, the knowledge that my presence would be missed and that I would lose something by not attending, that got me to shul week to week.

So I would like to offer a challenge to you. Try to come - maybe not every week, maybe only once or twice a month, but come - not to fulfill your child's service requirements or because you feel an obligation- come for yourself and see the many ways communal prayer can "work" for you.

B'Shalom
Rabbi Elyse

Rabbi's Message Archive